A month ago I wrote about what had happened to my dear friend and the uncertainty we were facing. Since then we have been on a huge, uncontrollable roller coaster that has been at times painful and frightening. Being with someone on the journey through cancer has been a privilege and a heartache bigger than I could have imagined. It isn’t the first time but every journey is different.
The good news we’re both still on the roller coaster, the good news is the ride IS still going, we haven’t reached the end. Last week on a morning when I was feeling very wobbly and anxious I was reaching out to God in my distress.
Carrying on all the mundane routines of a typical morning with a heavy heart I suddenly sensed the still small voice inside that said “Its not over yet”. In my tangled thoughts I had been travelling too far forward and imagining what might lie ahead, facing what might be the inescapable destination. But the small voice just kept saying “Its not over yet”.
Hanging on to this hope, my anxiety subsided and I knew I should just focus on what that day would bring, not all the ones ahead. Nothing has been easy and there have been some almost heart stopping moments since then. I have had to return many times to those four small, simple words for comfort and hope. .
My dear friend still faces an uncertain future and we live from day to day, sometimes hour to hour when things have been tough. We have shared tears, frustration, disappointment and difficult moments. But we have also still been able to smile, to appreciate the simplest things which once we might have taken forgranted. Tiny positive changes have been like major victories, seeing some small halt along the way has been like finding an oasis in a desert. There have been” treasures of darkness”, riches stored in the secret places of pain and suffering. (Isaiah 45:3)
If love alone could have healed then the journey would have been over already. Faith and Hope and Love are still strong but the journey has some distance and that is why I am only looking at today, this morning, or this evening. I have learned so much more about life, how precious it is and how lightly we hold it. I have learned so much about myself, how without the prayers and love of others I would have sunk without trace.
So we journey on and thank the Lord for being able to share it, to have each other for the travelling. We live differently, love differently and I have to trust differently that I will be able to carry on when I want to stop, to look up when I want to look down and to know that I will be held in the midst of the storm.
Its not over yet……