Watching and waiting … when love hurts

The journey continues with twists and turns and some heart stopping moments. Anyone who cares for a loved one day in day out, or who is supporting someone on a journey through cancer, will know the mixed feelings and emotions that are part of that experience only too well. The hours of waiting for appointments, for news, for relief from the anxiety, for hope, for normal to return, all familiar country to those who support and care. I reached such moments again today and wrote the following while waiting in a hospital clinic.

“So off he’s gone. off to treatment for that cruel disease, that marauding cancer that threatens to seek and destroy. Its been a hard morning, a herculean effort required to achieve the smallest of things. Eyes that flutter open only occasionally, hands too heavy to lift, legs too weak to walk, ears that can hardly hear, but a heart that beats strong still, breath that keeps hope alive.

I asked You Lord for a sign, I said I knew that I had to trust without seeing but a sign would help faint heart and dying hope. What signs You sent Lord – loving text messages from family and friends. support from a colleague and then there it was….

In the middle of washing his precious feet, in that moment, glancing out of the window, the shimmering rainbow framed against dark grey clouds, just where they show up best, colours so vivid, so bright, so clear it shone. 

Such a sign, Your sign, Your eternal sign that You keep Your promises. My heavy heart leapt for joy; flannel in hand I breathed my thank You, clinging on to hope restored. You are ever present in our sadness and joy. 

So we’re here now -in Your hands, in this place of suffering and healing. Here in between life and death, the place of disappointment and shattered dreams. The place where the ministering angels pick up the broken threads of broken lives and start to weave them afresh.

Guided by Your hand we learn to live one moment, one hour, one day at a time, to take nothing forgranted. We remember to whisper our thank you’s for each small gift. the gifts that are there if only we have eyes to see them. Thank You”

Despite the difficult days of the journey there is still much to be thankful for, things that would never have come about if we weren’t on this path. There is a wonderful verse of a psalm which says

Weeping may go on all night, but in the morning there is joy. Psalm 30 v 5

Sometimes we have to wait for that joy but the promise is an eternal presence that is always with us no matter what. I’ve done plenty of weeping and have also known deep joy despite the circumstances. Psalm 23 has  become a deep comfort to us and we’ve  learned for real the meaning of its verses.  I don’t have any answers to the big questions but I’m learning to deal with the next thing, not to look too far ahead. If you are on this journey too I wish you peace and rest and a glimmer of hope, a light in the darkness and a hand to hold you and guide you.

With love



About alicesapplesofgold

I'm a mother and grandmother, though not so old, and live in one of the most beautiful places in the country, Cornwall. fortunate enough to live by the sea I never want to be too far away from its sight and sound. I love music, words, painting, life, my family, my friends and most of all my faith. I live on the same roller coaster as everyone else but love to encourage others, support them when they're struggling and most of all want to have made a difference to the world by the time I leave it. I believe faith is an intimate part of everyday life and seek to relate the ordinary to the divine. It is the encouragement of others that has brought me to this point.
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