So here we are at the end of another year with an unknown future facing us in 2014. This is always a time for reflection of what has been and what might be. I suspect for most of us the year has thrown things at us that we didn’t expect, didn’t want or didn’t like. But I also suspect that when we honestly reflect on what has been there have been some wonderful moments of fun or laughter or love or surprises that we enjoyed.
As many of you who read my blog regularly will know this was a roller coaster year for me. I changed jobs little knowing that I was moving into a role that would culminate in some of the most wonderful and most sad times I would ever know. It really was just as well I didn’t know what lay ahead as 2013 dawned, for I might not have taken on the challenges I eventually faced as I nursed my beloved friend till the end.
But despite that terrific loss and the grief that has followed I have found that you really only can go one way – that’s forward. I haven’t wanted to wake up and face the day lots of times, haven’t wanted to go on without that person I loved, but there has simply been no choice.
There are still moments when I want to hide away, when I dissolve with the pang of memories, when I can’t seem to concentrate and replay events in my head. But I have still engaged with life and all that I did before. Painfully, at times, but persistently I made myself face the world and carry on.
A lovely lady in the care home I manage said to me only the other day “You have to carry on, that’s what you have to do, carry on” She knows of love and loss too and they are wise words from a respected elder.
I cry sometimes but I still laugh. I still thank the Lord for the glorious scenery around me, for the sweet love of my children and grandchildren, none of that is any less wonderful or precious than it ever was. I am looking forward, I celebrate a milestone birthday next year and plan a big party to mark the occasion. I plan to write more and hopefully get something published by the end of the year. I allow myself to be carried by the love of God when I am too wobbly to walk, or weak to stand.
I cherish the memories of this year for some of them only come once in a lifetime, some may never experience the love I found. I am privileged to have been on the journey I took and don’t regret anything I did. I would only have liked some more time but in the end we have to accept what has been, we cannot change it, only hold what we had dear in our hearts.
A wonderful writer I follow says much the same in her latest blog post. Ann Voskamp has a very unique and powerful way of expressing her thoughts about life and the living of it. I have gained much inspiration from her words over time. http://www.aholyexperience.com/
As your year draws to a close I pray that you have had moments of joy and blessing even if you have been through difficult times of your own. As you enter 2014 I pray you will find peace, love and fulfillment, the presence of the Lord to support you in all you face and the love of God to fill your hearts and minds.
A Happy and Blessed New Year to you all